Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. We hear and see it all the time. I have always been an enthusiastic advocate for “going green.” Going green simply refers to making lifestyle choices that will lower your carbon footprint. Some individuals choose to make subtle adjustments in their life to reduce this “footprint,” others are unselfish enough to take very drastic measures. (In downtown Salt Lake, there is a house on the corner of 500 South and 800 East; South-West corner. Completely designed for energy efficient living; very spectacular home!)
I’m writing today to tell you that I am fed up with living green. I want to leave a carbon footprint.
In the fall, I stocked up on a wonderful selection of teas from a popular brand called, Celestial Seasonings. I purchased enough Celestial Seasonings to enjoy a cup of tea every morning for the entire winter. To my disappointment, this tea company no longer uses a string and tag on their tea bags. Why? Celestial Seasonings claims that when they don’t use “strings, tags, staples and individual wrappers, we save more than 3.5 million pounds of waste from entering landfills every year.” Hey look, I can appreciate keeping 3.5 million pounds of rubbish out of landfills annually. But I am so tired of dipping my finger in hot tea to retrieve my tea bag. Therefore, I use a plastic spoon…take that!
Reusable shopping bags. Plastic Bags. Paper Bags. Just the thought makes my blood boil. I carted around reusable shopping bags for a while only to realize that they are nothing more than a germ filled hassle. When I shop at Whole Foods and they ask me if I want a bag, what I really want is to throw a toddler tantrum. If I just spent $75 on 20 items or better, they should throw in a bag. Many stores are now charging you for each bag you receive. Complete poppy cock.
Canteens, reusable mugs, reusable water bottles…not any more. I’m going to use a fresh, disposable bottle each and every time. And while I’m at it, I’m going to write to Arrowhead and Nestle about their stupid new lids. The kind that when you twist them off of the bottle it slices your fingers on the sides. These companies have taken half off of the caps in an effort to cut down on the amount of plastic used.
Paperless billing. The fine folks at Discover Card were actually trying to tell me that by going paperless I save a tree every year. You know what else? By going paperless I also have a difficult time of getting records from previous purchases and proving that a charge didn’t happen. Going paperless also reduces the possibility that I will be going over each bill in detail and businesses know this. So no thank you, Comcast. I want to have the hard copy proof sitting in front of me when you suddenly raise my internet rates.
Hotel towels. This has to be one of the most ridiculous "green excuses" I've ever seen. When I walk into my hotel room and see a small "invitation" to help my planet conserve water by not using all the towels in the room, I want to immediately use every piece of linen I can get my hands on. Does this mean that if a towel was hung up perfectly when the prior guest was in the room then those towels were left alone? I could be using dirty towels? You can bet I will be using each towel and then piling it on the floor.
What it really boils down to is this; all of these companies are cashing in on the “green movement.” They don’t care about their environmental impact. They want to cut off the strings and hoard who they give bags to in an effort to keep a little change in their pockets. Well, I’m done inconveniencing myself. I don’t go “paper-less” with my billing and I receive the Sunday newspaper. I use a fresh paper cup for my tea each morning, paper plates to support sandwiches, drive everywhere in my NON-clean vehicle and I double bag my groceries.
